All the ways my life WOULD BE WORSE

I love my husband. I mean, I really love my husband. My kids make fun of us sometimes, because we do tend to bicker a little bit after the time-honored tradition of long-married couples, and lets face it, he flat-out drives me crazy sometimes, but when all is said and done, I love him deeply, passionately, truly in a way I never could have imagined 33 years ago when I married him or 38 years ago when he pushed me in a swimming pool and changed my life forever.

A few months ago, a dear friend of ours lost her husband. Tom & I go to visit her from time to time & she is courageous, funny, stiff-upper lipped, and lonely. I guess that's why I've been reflecting on all the ways my life would be worse without Tom & here they are:

1. I would have to change my own lightbulbs and frankly, after not doing it for 33 years, I don't even really remember how--especially track lights & chandelier bulbs. I'm afraid of heights & lots of our lightbulbs require ladders to change.
2. Who am I kidding? I would have to move. I COULD NOT trim my own trees, weed my own garden (allergic & uninterested--not just lazy), fix my own water heater, paint my own walls, make the cable TV work, remodel my own kitchen, scrub the burned-on grease off my own pots, handle my own plumbing needs (can barely plunge a toilet--anything harder than that, MUST GET TOM). And lets just face the facts, if I didn't have Tom, my kitchen would probably never be truly clean again. Whenever I clean anything, he comes in behind me and quietly re-cleans, so that nobody has to call the health inspectors.
3. Okay, how to say this delicately & tastefully? He totally & completely floats my boat. Still. More & better than ever (sorry, kids). If he were gone, I doubt that my boat would ever get floated again. I'm a big fan of boats.
4. I would have to hike by myself. And probably get eaten by a mountain lion.
5. Who would fix my car? Or change my oil? Or my window-washer fluid?
6. AAAGGHH!! Think of all the people I'd have to hire: Auto mechanics, house painters, gardeners, handymen, accountants, plumbers, electricians! Being married to Tom has saved me thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars. Because Tom can fix, remodel, paint & build, we have always lived in a much nicer house than we can actually afford.
7. If I had a horrible day, who would I tell? If I had a great day, who would I tell?
8. If it weren't for Tom, my subversive, irreverant thought process would run amok. I know this actually sounds kind of awesome, but really, from time-to-time his mild disapproval of my political/religious/social incorrectness is all that stands between me and total ostracism by the human race.
9. Wow, it would be easy to go inactive in the church, if I didn't know how important it was to him. Because, although I love the church, I DO NOT love meetings. Tom makes me go. And almost always, I'm glad I did.
10. Getting old is perfectly acceptable to me, because I am getting old with him. I love to travel with him, go to movies & the theater with him, read & discuss books with him, go hiking with him. Even though I would still love doing all that stuff if he weren't here, it wouldn't be the same.
11. Who would I look to as such a perfect example of Christlike service?
12. Who would give me priesthood blessings?
13. Who would tell me that I am beautiful? You'd be surprised by how many people forget to mention it.

And here are all the ways my life would be better without Tom:

1. There would be less laundry.

I LOVE HIM!!!! 33 years this month! He still knocks my socks off and has a really cute rear-end.

Happy anniversary to us!

The gift I have to give

I have given and received wonderful gifts throughout the years. I remember the year all my sibs and I scrimped and saved so that we could make sure that my mom had the most presents under the tree.

That was a great Christmas.

I remember reciving a matching robe and nightgown that made me feel rich, even though we were poor.

That was a great Christmas too.

I remember a hand-stitched nativity, lovingly quilted by a teenaged sister and I also remember getting a beautiful Lennox figure each year from my husband to make the most elegant creche anyone has ever seen.

Those were good gifts!

I've received a fabulous diamond anniversary ring, new furniture and original paintings. Excellent gifts, all. I even had a baby at Christmas. A pretty tough gift to beat.

I've given Ipods and cameras, clothes and jewelry. Good gifts.

Because I am a mother and a grandmother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, I am always on the lookout for the perfect gift: the gift that will show my family how much I love them, the gift that they will never forget, the gift that will make them happier and smarter and nicer and richer, the gift that will bring them closer to Christ. A tall order.

But wait, its a gift I do have to give. Its a gift that my mother gave me when I was four years old. Its a gift that she has been giving me for my whole life and that I have in turn tried my hardest to give to my children.

It is the gift of reading. Not just of being able to read, but of loving to read.

One of my favorite poems by Gillian Strickland goes like this:

"You may have tangible wealth untold
Caskets of silver and coffers of gold
But richer than I, you can never be
For I had a mother who read to me."

Not only read to me, but taught me how! I remember the first book I read by myself. It was called "The Buffalo Robe" and it was a hard book! I was so proud.

Because I read, I have a wonderful education and hence a wonderful job.

Because I read, I've been to China and to Afghanistan and to the moon.

Because I read, I know Albert Einstein and John Adams, Louisa May Alcott and Jesus Christ.

I also know Jo March and Atticus Finch, Nero Wolfe and Bertie Wooster.

I've lived in the past and in the future. I've visited heaven and hell and I know which I prefer.

I've learned some of the truest truths I know in the pages of fiction.

I am never lonely or bored, because I always have a book.

I know how to invest, how to cook, how to knit and how to have a happy marriage, because I learned from a book.

Last week, my two year old grandson snuggled up on my lap, as we happily opened a book. He gave to me some of the highest words of praise, I ever received. He said: "Grandma, you are the best story!"

That's it. Thats my gift. I am the best story! People have learned how to read because of me! People have learned to love books because of me. Of all my accomplishments, that is one of which I am most proud. How awesome would it be to be a kindergarten teacher and teach hundreds of little people to love the written word!. They would come to you, unknowing and leave you with the greatest tool for a successful life that there is.

I want to spend my retirement years as a literacy volunteer because nothing can change people's lives more than this.

So, if anyone reading this picks up a book because of me, I have given my gift. If you are transported to another world for a few hours, it you learn something new, if you laugh or if you cry, I have given my gift and its the best thing I have to give.

I give it with all my heart to loved ones and strangers alike.

Merry Christmas

Out of Sync

One of my defining characteristics is that I don't fit in. When I was a teenager, it was a source of great anxiety to me, but now it is sort of a source of pride. Don't fit in, don't want to fit in and you can't make me fit in.

How am I out of sync? Let me count the ways.

• I am devoted to my ultraconservative religion (LDS) but I am an increasingly passionate liberal about politics.
• I am a femnist and a career woman in a traditional "stay at home" culture.
• I not only work, but I travel for a living and believe me, when my kids were young that was not a popular choice. Shockingly they have become practically perfect adults and I am just thankful I wasn't a better mother or they would have been unbearably perfect.
• I would rather read a book than go to a sporting event any day of the week and I live in DENVER.
• Like I said, I'm a liberal--but I am pro-life (almost always, but on the other hand, who am I to say what is right for someone else in more challenging circumstances than I can imagine?).
• Like I said, I'm liberal--but conflicted.
• Utah is my home state & Colorado is my adopted state, but I don't ski even though it is mandatory in both states.
• I'm a grandmother, but I wear my hair long & I'm a fan of big dangly earrings. I never met an age-appropriate outfit that I wanted to buy.
• I act like an extrovert, but I truly am an introvert. It usually takes me about five years to really like someone. If you are one of my friends, thank you very much for hanging in with me for those first five years. I would rather clean toilets than go to a party with people I don't know. Which is a problem because I am the vice-president of human resources in a company where the occasional cocktail party is required.
• Which is another problem because I am usually the only one at aforementioned cocktail parties who doesn't drink, hence I seem even more socially backward than usual, if you can imagine.
• My idea of the absolutely perfect social activity is a book club where I have known all the members for at least five years. Happily, I belong to two such clubs.
• I love my mother an unreasonable amount. I blame her for everything good in my life.

Oh, there are so many more ways that I don't fit in and I look forward to exploring them and reveling in them.